I am unashamed about the fact that I’ve done butt stuff. Let’s get rid of that stigma right now. Ain’t nothing wrong with some anal sex. But your first time having anal sex can be a little bit intimidating. While there’s lots of content losing your virginity is readily explained in television and film (though, it’s definitely a bit misleading) and also in sex ed, there’s not really a how-to guide for butt sex out there in the cultural zeitgeist.
However, people are having it, and they deserve to be informed. It’s not exactly an activity that you can do without any planning. You can’t be watching Game of Thrones with your boo and then be like, “Hey, wanna put it in my butt during this Volvo commercial?”
No, if you’re going to have anal sex, you have to think it out beforehand. I remember the first time I had it, I had no idea what I was in for. I didn’t use enough lube (it hurt so badly, I thought I was going to die), we weren’t in the right position, and I definitely left a little present on my boyfriend’s dick when we were done. Sorry. I didn’t say this was going to be pretty.
So here are some thoughts everyone has had during their first time having anal sex. And if you haven’t had it yet, you can expect to have them, too.
1. “I Think We Need More Lube”
Mmmm, if you’re thinking this, then most likely, you do need more lube. When it comes to anal, lube is your best friend. Megan Andelloux of The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health told Elite Daily, “For anal play, start with four to six drops on the object going in the butt and four to six drops on the anus. If things feel dry, then slowly add more. Don’t dump half the bottle on the butt right away.”
2. “Am I Pooping?”
Most likely, you’re definitely not pooping on your partner or on whatever toy you have in you, if you’ve opted for that route instead. But unfortunately, it is a possibility. “Expecting to have anal without coming in contact with feces is like expecting to have vaginal sex without coming in contact with vaginal lubrication,” Andelloux “The good news is that there is a difference between coming in contact with feces and shitting everywhere.”
So, prepare for the worst and hope for the best when it comes to sh*tting during anal sex… that’s how that old phrase goes!
3. “OK, Slow Down”
When it comes to anal sex, slow and steady wins the race. Dr. Martha Lee, clinical sexologist and author of Love, Sex and Everything In Between and Orgasmic Yoga
Anal sex hurts if you are doing it wrong. The best way to go about anal play is slowly – obviously after you have had consent to proceed. If your partner is unable to relax sufficiently so that you can penetrate their anus with one then two of your fingers, then obviously, they are not ready for your penis to enter.
Going slowly also means gradually finding the right position, as well as pacing. Dr. Lee suggests a side-by-side spooning position, which provides the greatest level of comfort for when you’re being done in the butt. Plus, you can stimulate your clitoris at the same time.
4. “Can I Touch Myself At The Same Time?”
The answer to this question is absolutely yes — and you should. Your partner can touch you, you can touch yourself, or you can throw a sex toy into the mix if you really want to spice things up. Get as much pleasure as you can out of the experience. While you can actually have an orgasm from anal sex alone, incorporating clitoral stimulation at the same time will give you double the pleasure and double the fun.
5. “Wow, I Actually Like This!”
Like I said before, anal sex can actually give you a killer orgasm. “Nerve endings are points on the surface of your body that are responsible for sending messages to your brain when you feel sensations, such as heat, cold, pain, and pleasure,” Alicia Sinclair, founder and CEO of b-Vibe“There are thousands of them located in the genitals and anal canal. I believe that people of all genders should take a shame-free approach to discovering as many of these nerve endings as possible.”
So if you’ve had butt sex before, then you’ve probably thought some of these things yourself. And if you’re planning on having it, prepare for these thoughts to cross your mind. Who knows? You might end up enjoying it? And if you do it right, I promise, you won’t end up pooping on anyone. Well… maybe.