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The Science Behind Why It’s Important to be a Good Kisser.
Kissing is one of the most common sexual and romantic behaviors in America and many other parts of the world. But have you ever stopped to wonder why? Why did humans ever start kissing in the first place? Is it just because it feels good, or is there something more to it than that?
Scientists increasingly believe that kissing is an adaptive behavior. Not only does it help us to identify good partners, they argue, but it might also be beneficial for our health and relationship happiness.
INFORMATIONAL KISSING
First, kissing appears to help us “size up” potential partners. As evidence for this idea, researchers have found that women and people who are very attractive place the most importance on kissing. In other words, people who tend to be “choosier” about their mates and hold them to higher standards are more likely to evaluate their partners based on the way they kiss.
These folks are also the most likely to say that their attraction to someone else has changed based on a first kiss.
Other research has found that when women are at the most fertile stage of their menstrual cycle, they think kissing is even more important. Thus, when women have the greatest odds of becoming pregnant, they’re most likely to use kissing as a mate-assessment tool.
JUST LIKE TINDER ONLY FUN
So how exactly does kissing help us determine the quality of potential partner? That’s not entirely clear yet, but scientists speculate that it’s because kissing allows us to quite literally smell and taste another person.
Specifically, when we get up close and personal with our noses and mouths, we can detect pheromones and other chemical signals that may help us to subconsciously determine whether a partner is healthy, fertile and carrying good genes.
We may use kissing to determine who is good mating material and who isn’t.
WHAT ABOUT KISS NUMBER 1,000?
Of course, we don’t just kiss when we’re looking for a partner—people in long-term, monogamous relationships continue to kiss each other, despite having already sized each other up.
This kind of kissing is thought to serve a few different purposes.
Kissing can be good for a relationship because it’s a way of expressing affection and developing intimacy. Consistent with this idea, some studies have found that frequent kissing—but not frequent sex—is linked to greater relationship satisfaction.
Regular kissing may also help us to maintain good health by promoting the exchange of certain microorganisms.
A 2014 study found that kissing promotes the exchange of a ton of bacteria. In fact, as many as 80 million bacteria may be exchanged in a single deep kiss.
This study also found that the more frequently couples kissed, the more similar the bacterial colonies in their mouths were.
So how might this extensive transfer of microorganisms affect our health? One possibility is that kissing may be a way for women to protect their offspring from certain infections.
For example, some researchers argue that kissing might allow women to contract infections like human cytomegalovirus (HCMV) prior to becoming pregnant—a time when this infection is unlikely to cause any problems. When women contract HCMV during pregnancy, though, it can be harmful to the developing fetus.
Kissing may therefore be a way that women can control the timing of their exposure to this and other infections such that it benefits the health of their children.
AND SO…
The science of kissing suggests that lip-locking is probably more important than you ever realized. Not only can being a good kisser help to boost your sex appeal, but kissing early and often just might make you happier and healthier in the long run.
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Flowchart: Should You Catcall Her?
A young lady walks by, who you find sexually attractive. You’re probably not clever enough to come up with an original thought, so the only remaining option is to yell out at her, like you are not a smart person. Should you do it?
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The Science Behind Making Friends With Benefits Work.
In theory, having a reliable sex partner who’s always down for no-strings fun sounds like a sweet deal. No commitment? No expectations? “Sure, why not?”
I hate to be the bearer bad news, but fantasy rarely matches up with reality, especially when it comes to friends with benefits. A lot of people end up finding these arrangements to be more complicated—and a lot messier—than anticipated. But is there any way to avoid the drama? Is it possible to get the “benefits” without the baggage?
As someone who has studied friends with benefits relationships for the last six years, let me offer you some hope (and the research-based insights to back it up).
DEFINE EXPECTATIONS
One of the biggest concerns people have about entering friends with benefits relationships is that one person will end up developing feelings that aren’t reciprocated. There’s good reason to worry about this. People often come into relationships wanting very different things. In 2011, I asked men and women who currently had a friend with benefits why they started their relationships and what they hoped would happen to it in the future. People’s responses were all over the map.
Although most people were in it for the sex (duh), a sizeable minority of mostly women said they started the relationship mainly because they wanted to connect with their partner emotionally. And 43 percent of women and 24 percent of the men even said they hoped their friend would eventually become their romantic partner. (You can check out the entire study in the Journal of Sex Research)
Obviously, people can bring wildly different expectations into these relationships, and more than that, these expectations seem divided by gender. When seeking a friend for benefits, then, clarify what you want from the get-go and make sure that your partner wants the same.
FROM THE BAR TO THE BEDROOM, MAKE GROUND RULES
Research finds that most people who have a friend with benefits don’t take the time to set up rules. One study of college students found that 73 percent reported not discussing any relationship ground rules with their friend with benefits. This lack of communication can be costly in the long run. In a longitudinal study I conducted on people in friends with benefits relationships, I found that the people who took the most time making rules and communicating were most likely to be on good terms with their partner a year later.
Think about these questions: Are you only going to have sex with each other? Or can you see other people? This isn’t something you want to assume, if only to protect yourself from the risk of STIs. Beyond this, you should also discuss whether you’re going to tell other people about your arrangement and what rules, if any, you need to lay down about how the two of you interact in public. Does kissing cross the line? Oh, and what about spending the night?
DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF THE SITUATION
Above all else, be realistic and be prepared for the unexpected. Even if you clearly establish what this relationship is early on, it’s possible your friend may not be totally honest about their true motives. Also, consider that neither you nor your friend may be able to predict how you’ll feel once you start having sex. Psychologists have found that, in general, we tend to be pretty bad at affective forecasting, or predicting our future emotional states. As some evidence of this, research has found that people overestimate how happy they’ll be when entering a new relationship. In other words, just because you think everything is going to go well doesn’t guarantee that it’ll actually happen.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Many people find it difficult to navigate a friend with benefits situation; however, the difficulty stems largely from poor communication patterns. If you want to make one of these relationships work, it’s important to talk early and often. Keep in mind, though, that even with a lot of communication, situations like this are often still unpredictable and don’t always end happily. (Only about a quarter of these relationships last a year, according to my research.) The unfortunate reality: sometimes even the best-laid plans don’t turn out to be the best way of getting laid.
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Erotic Story by REAL-SEXCONTACTS.COM member
Imagine not being able to sit in the same room as him without an overwhelming feeling, need and desire to be in the sheets with him. Even certain words he uses drive me crazy, looking at his hands give me shivers and when he places his hand on the bottom of my back I have no idea how I remain in control of myself. Sometimes he denies me kisses, ‘last one’ he will say, playfully, jesting with me, fully unaware of how much that makes me want him, unaware of the fact that it makes it that little bit harder for me to sit next to him and continue the conversation with him when I can feel how wet he’s making me.
We where sat in a red plastic booth, in an undesirable nightclub, playing the worst music and full of people throwing around their vodka and inhibitions. We started off amazingly clean, chatting, dancing, laughing. Then we started to kiss, hot, fast and hard, my mouth open on his and my tongue inside his mouth, being nibbled and explored. Mid kiss I feel a hand slide up my inner thigh, I moaned in his mouth and parted my legs a little feeling his kisses become more intense. I flicker my eyes up to his and see exactly what he needs, me. Snapping back to reality and coming back to terms with our surroundings we agreed that neither of us wanted just a dance anymore, a hotel was booked and we left the comfort of the plastic red booth. Giggly and with his hand firmly placed on my butt we started to walk with his hand right at the bottom of my dress, inches away from my soaked panties. We talked a little and got brilliantly lost. His hands couldn’t stay put anymore and he found his way up my dress and played with my wetness a little, I’m guessing proud at the fact that he’d managed to soak my panties just by kissing me. Still playing and still lost, at this point I’m sure he can tell how much I want him, he slides a finger inside me, it felt so amazing, I wasn’t going to stop him, I didn’t care if a passerby saw or if my butt and his hand was on show to the entire street, I was getting desperate and it felt good to rock my hips against. After a little longer of being totally lost we found the hotel, stood at the reception desk we chatted to the man for a while, all the time he’s still playing with me under my dress, making me so stupidly wet with every stroke, I knew he was teasing but I also knew that it would change as soon as our room door shut. We found our room and got inside, his eyes flashed at me and he pushed me on to the bed, lifted up my dress, pulled my panties to one side and pushed his amazing throbbing cock inside me, I tried to sit up to take my dress of but he pushed me back to the bed, holding my shoulder down, telling me to shut up and lay down. My hips found the rhythm of his thrusts and soon we where fucking, fast, deep and hard, he had a handful of my hair in his hand, pinning my head to the bed as he pounded me, my back curving and my pussy getting wetter and wetter with every little thrust. At this point my mind goes blank and all I can think about is his cock and how it’s filling every little inch of my little hole. He pushes my knee down and his cock somehow goes even deeper making me lift my hips and practically beg for more…tbc .
