Have Yourself A Very Merry XXXmas


Whether you’re going home for the Christmas holidays or have family and friends coming to stay with you, few of us manage to escape the holiday season without having, or being, an overnight guest in a family member’s home.

These are times when you’re supposed to be on your best (or at least better) behaviour. But staying under the same roof as your parents, siblings, or great aunt after so many years of freedom can be a strange and heady experience.

Add to this the pressures of the holiday season, and the lack of privacy in a family home can make the difference between a serene Christmas Eve dinner and an episode of a bad reality TV show.

Naturally that’s where sex comes in. Nothing can clear your head and make you forget petty differences like a midnight rendezvous with yourself or your partner. When sex is good it allows us to focus inward in a way that can rejuvenate us and give us more energy to deal with holiday stress.

But sex in such close proximity to family members can be tricky. The walls always seem thinner and there’s usually someone pottering around outside your door.

Understandably, many of us give up altogether. If you’re looking to add another tool to your holiday emergency preparedness kit, consider these tips on having sex discreetly over the holidays.

Choose Your Sex Play Wisely

Ten minutes before dinner is being served probably isn’t the best time to begin a Tantric sex session. Ditto on any rollicking tickle sessions involving sexual role play with feathers or blindfolds. Quickies may be the order of the day. Don’t worry so much about introducing new (possibly holiday themed) moves into your sex. Stick with the tried and true sex techniques you know will work, and work quickly.

Be Charitable – Don’t Expect Mind Blowing Sex

We are so goal-oriented when it comes to sex. The sexually enlightened want their orgasms, they want them now, and they want them their way. But ’tis the season for giving, and this may be a time to lower expectations, and focus on getting what you can, and not demanding the complete symphony when a single aria will do (but avoid any opera singing, it’s a dead giveaway).

Use Distraction Methods, Everyone Knows, But They’ll Appreciate the Effort

If you’ve got a radio in your room, turn it on. If you know that a moan is inevitable from your partner, do them a favour and mask it with a lot of loud unnecessary coughing. If you’re stuck in a small house, it’s likely that everyone knows what’s up, but there is probably a family member or two who will appreciate your attempts to be discrete.

Escape to the Bathroom

Probably the ideal place for a quick tryst, the bathroom affords a reasonable excuse for taking some time, plus concealing noises like running water, flushing toilets, etc… Out of courtesy to the rest of your family and other guests, only indulge in a visit to the powder room during low traffic times, unless you can guarantee that you’ll be quick.

Eroticise the Forbidden

Most of us do this anyway, but if you’ve got to act fast to ensure no one walks in (or to avoid the inevitable knocking on the door) use the forbidden fantasy element of what you’re doing to get your motors running.

And Most Important of All

DON’T, on any account, bring any sex toys if you are staying at a family member’s house. You might be able to pass off a discreet vibrator as a high-tech electric toothbrush, but hiding the anal love beads in a family-sized packet of m&m’s is a disaster waiting to happen!

What are your naughty plans for the season? Tell us in the comments. Happy Holidays everyone. 😉