At this point, a huge population of people have played Pokémon Go. Additionally, another huge section of people have had sex. While those populations may not overlap as much as we’d like, there is something to be learned about the things that having sex and playing Pokémon Go have in common.

1. If you want to do it well you’re probably going to spend a little money at first.
2. You’re WAY better after three and a half beers.
3. You can do it in the comfort of your own home but it’s way more fun if you do it in the parking lot of the local church.
4. There’s a Meowth on the end of the bed watching you and you can’t stop thinking about it.
5. You try your best move but “It’s not very effective.”
6. Your first time will be confusing and you won’t really know what you’re doing.
7. After a couple months of doing it, you still won’t really know what you’re doing.
8. There’s a great temptation to do it while driving but trust me you should NOT do it while driving.
9. Be careful to only incubate the eggs you really want incubated.
10. You’ll feel better about your performance if you hit the gym regularly.
11. Doing it with a huge group of people sounds like a great idea but in the end you just get lost in the shuffle and go home to eat chocolate cake.
12. No one is impressed by your Diglett.
13. The incense you bought doesn’t work nearly as well as you had hoped.
14. If you do it long enough there’s a fair chance you will catch them all.
15. You’ll lay in bed awake thinking about how you wish your session had lasted longer.
16. If you’re in a rural area: It’s not really going to happen for you, sorry.
17. You’ll get online and complain afterwards.
18. If you do it with your longtime girlfriend she’s going to want to be on her phone the whole time.
19. Pidgey is there.
20. The more you do it the better you become.
21. But sometimes you get in your own head and everything turns to shit.
22. You should NEVER trespass on someone’s land to do it. (Unless there’s a Squirtle involved.)
23. No one listens to your ideas on how to make it better.
24. You’re going to need to buy extra batteries if you expect anyone to have a good time.
25. People get mad if you use your camera too often.
26. You shouldn’t do it at work but let’s be honest you’re going to try to do it at work.
27. Someone’s going to call you Jigglypuff and it won’t be a compliment.
28. Older people say bad things about it but deep down we all know they’re just jealous.
29. Sometimes “the servers are down” (if you know what I mean.)
30. You once tried a curveball but it didn’t work at all and now there’s just a poof of smoke where she used to be.
31. People have been killed doing it.
32. You make plans to do it with friends but most of the time you end up doing it by yourself.